When you think about what it means to be resilient..
what do you think about? What do you feel in your body?
If for you, the word resilient brings up resentment, frustration, or anger — we see you. If you feel exhausted by the fact that you have had to adapt again and again — we hear you.
Resilience is essentially defined as adapting to difficult or changing life experiences especially through adjustment to external and internal demands. (1)
In the unjust world we live in, having to adapt — over and over — to painful experiences, broken systems and dominator culture is unjust and unfair.
Resentment is a valid emotion when you are constantly being asked to maintain mental, emotional and behavioral agility in order to survive your daily life. It is the insatiable dominator culture, which insists on deriving our value from our ability to produce, that is to blame for so much of the struggle that demands our resiliency. These systems of oppression are always robbing us of life, as that is their source of their fuel.
That you feel depleted by the white supremacist, capitalist, colonial patriarchy is by design — and it is absolutely something to resent. But the survival mechanism at play here is actually your trauma response, or the set of learned behaviors that protect you from pain.
Trauma response is different from resiliency.
Resiliency is your divine right, and it is one of your tools for living a fulfilling life. Resiliency bolsters us in handling the painful experience of broken systems; but unlike the reactive state of a trauma response, it comes from a place of power. Resiliency is a healthy response to change, and your capacity to respond to challenge and change is built into the core of your being. This is vital because, whether we like it or not, change is a constant.
““All that you touch you Change. All that you Change, Changes you. The only lasting truth is Change.””
From an Ayurvedic perspective, we see resiliency as rooted in ojas — the subtle essence of kapha that supports life, lubrication and immunity. It is responsible for creating the container in which our inherent wisdom can be held and nurtured. Resiliency is also a valuable tool for navigating the inevitable challenges of life, but it is not about being strong all the time. In fact, rest and vulnerability are requirements for resilience to manifest.
And, many people are living in constant trauma response as a result of broken systems — and are experiencing hypervigilance, adrenal fatigue, or burnout. As a result, they may have come to resent their own inherent resiliency.
We invite you to consider that this resentment could be redirected. Indeed, we are not developing resilience to become compliant with the systems that deplete and harm us, but rather, to honor our divine right to exist in peace and joy. Resilience is in and of itself a form of resistance.
Perhaps the resentment, frustration and anger that arises around resiliency is more effectively directed toward the systems and perpetrators of abuse that need to be held accountable for the trauma response they cause.
What if we gathered all of our passion and rage, and turned it toward holding accountable perpetrators of pain and harm, rather than adapting to their abuse? How can we, through subtle acts of self love, dismantle systems that don’t allow us to experience the range of our humanity, in softness and in strength?(2) What if we intentionally bolstered our resilience and leveraged our inherent wisdom to build systems that support everyone to thrive?
““Resilience is perhaps our most beautiful, miraculous trait.””
Cultivating resilience is the way out. It is the glimmer of hope that revitalizes our imaginations, reminding us that another way is possible. Resilience enhances creativity to help solve problems. It enables the ability to collaborate with others, and to tap into inspiration and look beyond what is holding us back — to vision something different.
And by the way, those of us who experience relatively less systemic oppression are responsible for bearing this burden and leading the way for this necessary work. (If that’s you, be sure to read the bottom section!)
Resilience can be intentionally cultivated for a more vivacious life.
But how?
Resilience is cultivated through routine, ritual and rest. It is about integrating small, sustainable practices that help set new patterns of care — at the personal and collective level. This means committing to daily and seasonal routines that keep us healthy and well rested. It means making intentional choices about when we eat, exercise, work, and sleep, as well as what we put in our bodies (inside of what is available to us). It is about taking time for ourselves — choosing our own internal landscape, again and again, even when the world values our output most.
The ancient wisdom of Ayurveda offers us principles and practices for listening deeply, and acting accordingly. One nourishing way you can meet yourself where you are, slow down and discover how to care for your unique self is The Reset for Resilience. Join us seasonally for our Ayurvedic rejuvenation program that supports you to cultivate more self-awareness, pleasure, gratitude and true satisfaction in just 28-days from right where you are.
You can intentionally create a framework of care and embodiment through which your capacity to vision a more compassionate world can grow.
If you are someone who does NOT experience consistent system oppression, read this section:
PSA: It doesn’t feel like a compliment to people who do experience pervasive oppression to be called resilient. Here are two tweets that support this understanding:
“Stop commending people for being resilient and instead redesign the systems that inherently make people suffer.” — @tweetsbybilal
“Am I resilient? Yes. Do I want to hear about it every five minutes; especially from a non-Black person? No. This global white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchal, anti-black society has given me no choice. Furthermore, constantly reminding me of my resilience is spiritual bypassing. It absolves you of guilt. It leads you to believe I can be injured over and over again, only to bounce back. Help fix the system or hush.” — @msgoodegg, Kassia Graham
Often when someone exhibits outstanding acts of resilience, it is because they felt like they had no choice but to develop the armor to endure — they were forced into action by an external situation that was likely very challenging.
In these cases, the acknowledgement of resilience may feel like it lacks awareness for a situation they actually felt harmed by. To them, it may feel like you’re complimenting their ability to endure hardship, rather than calling out the systems responsible for the hardship and its impact on the individual.
So next time you are taking note of how much a person has survived or overcome, take a pause to consider what systems put them there in the first place. Perhaps say nothing, let them name their own experience, and reflect on your role in the systems at play.
““Resilience isn’t personal grit; it’s the capacity of a neighborhood or community to respond, mitigate and adapt to crisis.””
A more compassionate world is possible through resilience.
Resilience leads to capacity, which leads to connection, collaboration,and creative problem solving. It is an individual and collective experience, but it starts with you. Cultivating resilience begins by turning your attention within and tending to yourself, so that you have the capacity to get curious about the bigger systems at play. Practice checking in with yourself, then trust that your true nature is to gently spiral toward life. Lean in. As you feel your resilience grow, use that power to lift others up.
This is how we will emerge, individually and collectively, into the future.
By Sierra Brashear & Molly McConnell
Citations
1) According to the American Psychological Association.
2) Inspired by Psychotherapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker Lourdes Dolores Follins.
